And I got married . . .

Sorry for the delay in posts! I traveled the last few weekends and just didn’t get around to it. This past week, I’ll be honest, I was ready to give up on this whole online dating thing. My patience just wears thin with every passing day. Not to be dramatic, as there isn’t really anything exciting that has happened, but it’s tiresome because it seems the dating pool consists of a bunch of boys who seriously have no clue what they want or how to ask a girl out.

I got a message regarding the last post, wondering what was so “wrong” with the first two potential dates. In my mind, it seemed so clear. But let me expound:

Potential 1: the exchange you read in the post is the ENTIRE contact between me and this potential date. I never heard from him again. A girl wonders, if I had 5 photos on the dating site (and not just of my face), why he would need more pics? A friend thought perhaps he just wanted to make sure he wasn’t being catfished. I get it, but that was not the impression I was getting. There were several red flags here: (1) “Call me anything you want.” This is either a very insecure dude OR someone trying too hard to impress me. (2) Asking me twice what my plans were for the evening, despite being told I was busy. He either doesn’t pay attention or he’s being quite pushy … to do what? Well… let’s continue with the red flags. (3) He asks me out without a plan. When asked, the response is, “Get dinner or watch a movie.” We’re not going to the cinema; he wants to watch a movie. Think ‘Netflix and chill’ ladies. On a first date. If that doesn’t give you pause, then there’s (4) “You have any more pictures of you?” Because I was pretty put off, I made a joke, to which he responded, “Lol.” Then …. Crickets. Nothing. Why would he want more pictures? Come on ladies – you know what he’s looking for. (And my mantra is to NEVER send photos to anyone that I wouldn’t want my mom to see. Once it’s out there, it’s out there. I won’t even send them to a significant other. I highly recommend you adopt that mantra.) Anyway … There was no follow-up after that. No “hey just making sure I’m not getting catfished.” Not even on the day we were supposed to go on this “date” (which was the very next day). The fact that I never heard from him confirmed the red flags and that feeling in my gut: this guy just wants sex.

Moving on …

Potential 2: This guy seemed so nice. He was fairly quiet and reserved on our coffee date, but I figured he was just nervous.  I also liked that he kept “chatting” with me on text after the date. I figured I’d give him a shot … but the exchange you read was the very last contact I had with him. Perhaps because it is in text, you don’t feel the same whiny, passive-aggressive tone of this brief exchange as I do. Let me explain: He texts me on a Tuesday evening, asking me how I’m doing. I respond in kind. He responds that he just dropped off his son. His son is young, under the age of 10. Yes, I’m aware that this means he doesn’t have any parental duties that night. But, he didn’t ask me out. So, I respond by asking if he had a good work day. His response is, once again, very passive – his day was busy, but it’s not busy anymore. This is where my eye-rolling begins. Yes, I know exactly what he is getting at, but if you can’t man up and just ask me out or say, “hey, I’m free. You wanna hang out?” then you aren’t man enough for me. And ladies, you should live by that as well. This is VERY telling behavior – a man who is willing to whine and be passive-aggressive this early on, will continue to be this way. You will NOT teach him to act differently. Oh – and it will only get worse. My perception that he was being passive-aggressive was confirmed by the end of this brief exchange: “I guess I can just stay in.” Yes sir. Yes sir you can. You know what else you can do? You can ask me out. You can take yourself to a movie. You can call a friend to see if they want to hang out. You can relax and enjoy a show on TV that you couldn’t if your kid were there. There are so many things you can do, to include being a grown-up and saying what it is that you want.  I will not engage in guessing games with my significant other (not anymore anyways!) and I certainly won’t do it with you – a potential date. Things would only get worse …

Perhaps you’re thinking to yourself that I’m not giving them a chance? That I’m jumping to conclusions? I beg to differ. I’m not new to this. I’ve met people. People will show you their true colors very early on, but you have to be willing to see it. I’ve settled in the past. I told myself that I could change them or help them see the error in their ways. Nope nope nope. Don’t fall into that trap, ladies. I simply do not have years to waste on trying to make something work and change a man who is only being who they are.

Or perhaps you’re thinking, I don’t mind that the guy only wants sex, or can’t tell me what he wants. That is okay, too. I promise I say this without judgment at all, so if that is what you’re looking for, let me know! I’ll hook you up.

Now, if you’ve read this far, you’re looking for the follow-up to the title of this post. I know you are. Spoiler alert: I didn’t get married this weekend. But, I end this post with a little hope. Here it is:

A potential date messaged me on Friday asking me about knee surgery (I think I put in my profile that I’ve had a couple of those). A conversation ensued, and after some exchange, he asked me out! My only hesitation is that he’s about a decade younger than I. Nonetheless, the conversation seemed like a fairly normal exchange, so I offered up an event (winetasting and dog rescue fundraiser) that I was already going to as an idea. He was in! I asked if I should get us our tickets, and before I knew it, he had already bought the tickets! Now, he’s not Brad Pitt, but he’s attractive, was definitely nice enough and actually had interest in me (not my looks, but what I do for a living and for fun). Despite the distractions at the event (I was pretty social with the other attendees), he seemed to have a good time even when I was not chatting with him. He even bought me a bottle of wine (proceeds benefitted the dog rescue). At the end of the date, he asked me out again!

Wait - you still haven’t told me about getting married! Well, since he bought the tickets, they were under his name. His FULL name. Everyone got name tags at the door for this event. His name tag was already printed, but they had to make me one. She asked for my first name, but then simply assumed my last name was the same as his. So, I turned to him, literally 15 seconds after we had met: “Bet you’ve never been married on a first date before?” He took it like a champ and I’m sure we’ll see each other again when our calendars match up.

There is hope after all. And I have another date tonight! Stay tuned ladies . . .