2nd dates and Introverts

Have I truly found someone more introverted than I?
I had another great date last night. This was the 2nd date with last week’s Monday date. Let’s call him Monte.
First let’s talk about introverts. When I say introvert, I’m not talking about a shy person. These are two different concepts. Being an introvert really just means one is quite introspective, enjoying self-reflection, and values a deep connection in their relationships with people. Introverts would rather spend time one-on-one or in small groups (think 2-4 people) than going to a party a socializing with tons of people. Introverts don’t mind being on stage and performing, but they don’t like being the center of attention in a group when it’s not about a performance.
Some introverts learn these things about themselves, and some don’t. I have spent the better part of my adult life learning what it means to be an introvert. Mostly because it creates an internal struggle on a regular basis. As an introvert, I always want to be invited to the party, but I most likely won’t come (unless it’s a small group).
This topic came up during the date last night. I was rambling (that’s what I called it; he kept saying I wasn’t rambling. I assure you, I was.). Because I was being so gregarious, Monte called me an extrovert. I had to set him straight. He then claimed to be an introvert because a test told him he was. The funny thing to me about that: he doesn’t act like an introvert at all except in one very big way: he hates small talk. This is something that is very true of introverts. Discussing things like your co-workers weekend plans or the weather actually creates barriers between people. It’s polite, nice and keeps the conversation on the surface, prohibiting vulnerability, honesty and emotional intimacy. All these latter things are the biggest desire of introverts.
So, why do I think he’s not an introvert? He hates texting. He finds it boring. Whilst I don’t love texting because it is exciting, it’s a great way to communicate without having to talk on the phone. Yes, introverts hate the phone. Why? Phone calls are ripe with small talk, at least in the beginning. The ring of that phone is incredibly intrusive, demanding immediate attention, leaving no room for preparing for a conversation (very essential for introverts). Introverts also like to think through things before responding. These long, awkward silences do not translate well in a phone conversation.
Just hating texting means he’s not an introvert? Well, he wanted to call me soon after we “met” online to talk. I would actually welcome that call now (spoiler alert: I like this guy), but was absolutely dreading it. Luckily, it never actually happened and I got to meet him in person first.
With all that said, he might be more introverted than I because he couldn’t even manage the teensiest of small talk last night, which is why I was rambling. I get it: he’s a single dad. His life is work and kids. There may not be that much excitement there. I’m happy to talk about my week and share the incredibly exciting things I do (uh … judging a college competition; visiting the dog show; binge watching Netflix … yeah, I’m a hoot!), but man, he simply didn’t have the ability to fill those pauses in conversation.
Nonetheless, I made him laugh, lots. I love that. He made me laugh, which I also love. As terrible as I am about asking questions to get to know someone, I asked a lot (see that part about all the pauses in conversation I was trying to fill) about his family and he was very willing to respond. Yes, despite the lulls in conversation, I had a good time again. He’s adorable. He’s smart, witty, and kind. He at least seems to be a pretty good dad and thinks highly of family. All great qualities. And he seems interested in me, or at least seeing me again. He did make some mention of whether I’d see him for a 3rd date.
What confused me is this: after 2 hours of me mostly rambling about things in my life, including concerns I had with people in my family, he tells me I’m a hard nut to crack. This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten this kind of feedback, but after all that rambling, I was totally thrown. I shared all kinds of random crap with him. I know I have a wall, but I made it very clear that it comes down pretty easy. Within minutes, he received a text and had to leave. Our date came to an abrupt end. I was fine with that, but left confused. As we walked out, he handed me a Lifesaver Wint-o-green (my favorite mint! Yes, he knows this). A quick hug, then he says, “I’ll be in touch.” (On our first date it was: “Feel free to call or text anytime!” Then, a hug, and a kiss on the cheek.)

I’ll be honest: I lost all hope in that moment that I’d ever speak with him again. I wasn’t really sure what just happened. I was also frustrated with the assertion that I’m walled off, yet I had to pry to get him to talk to me. I went to bed with a sinking feeling that my first 2nd date in a long time was going to be a last date with this guy.

Well … I did get a text from him this morning: “I had fun last night Josephine. Thanks again!”

*Sigh* I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how this one plays out … Accepting comments and advice, too.