And you're asking yourself, why did I stay?
I don't think I could accurately describe the reasons why I do certain things. I'd probably be making up excuses or trying to justify stupid decisions. Hindsight is 20-20. Luckily, nothing horrible happened to me on this date. I got out alive and that is all that matters.
Since this is my first "date" post, please note that names of people and locations have been changed to protect the innocent and the stupid. I write these posts anonymously not because I'm ashamed, but because it will protect me from libel and slander suits down the road. Besides, these are for your reading pleasure, not to "slam" anyone.
Without further ado, let's jump right into this date:
Jerry and I met on Tinder. He seemed funny, but most importantly, he did what I asked: Asked me on a date! (Whatever happened to the days where a man would ask a woman out on a date?) The plan was to meet downtown, during the day, to have a drink. Not until I arrived did I remember that it was Kentucky Derby day, so it was very crowded, everywhere.
As I pull into downtown, I get a text: Are you still coming? Are you almost here?
Why, yes, of course I'm coming. I'm 5 minutes away. At this point, he let me know he was at Bar B. We had agreed to meet at Bar A and he was texting to let me know he would have to make the trek (about 6 blocks) back to Bar A to meet me. [Insert first *thinking emoji* here.] I parked my car and headed to Bar A. I didn't wait long before he arrived. As he entered, the bouncer shouted, hey, you're back! *thinking emoji* I suspected that Jerry was already drunk, but the naive, trusting part of me thought, nah - he wouldn't show up drunk, would he? Nonetheless, Jerry recognized me from my pictures, approached with arms extended and gave me a friendly hug. "Want a drink?"
Bar A was a local whiskey bar. It was packed with Kentucky derby fans and whiskey lovers alike. The 3rd *thinking emoji* is inserted here as I notice the bar is giving out raffle tickets with every drink special and I see that Jerry already has 3 raffle tickets as he asks the bartender for our drinks: a beer for me, a whiskey for him. Before I can even take a sip, Jerry asks if the beer is good.
As we start to chat, I learn lots of things about Jerry: in his own words, he's "old school;" his family is made up of potato farmers; he's related to a colleague of mine; he has a daughter; he's in a custody battle with his ex-wife. And then, "How's your beer? Is it good?" *thinking emoji* As we continue to chat, I begin to question his assertion of being "old school," because he's very concerned that I don't like sex. I won't spend much time on this one, but I will say, he brought the subject up several times throughout the date.
After about half an hour, Bar A holds a drawing. Jerry, would you believe it, is a winner! He wins an old whiskey barrel that is currently being used as a cocktail table. He was very excited, until he found out that the whiskey barrel was empty. To the bartender he asks, "So, you gonna fill this up?" Jerry was more than upset that they weren't going to fill his whiskey barrel. In a bit of a huff and before I can finish my beer, we leave for Bar C, which is just two doors down.
The conversation at this point is going downhill. It's entertaining, but besides asking me again if my beer is good, he won't get off the topic of sex and whether I like it. In fact, it was here that he told me he wanted to have sex with me. He immediately laughed and said he shouldn't have said that. Luckily, after a few moments, we met a couple. They seemed normal. Perhaps this will be a good distraction for Jerry to stop asking me about sex, and whether my beer is good. Heck, even if I was interested in having sex with him, he was too sloppy for me to even think it'd be any good. (What?!?! Why am I even considering you ask? Don't ask. Maybe it had been awhile ...)
Okay - back to the couple. After chatting for a bit (the conversation isn't anything interesting enough to recount here), we decide to leave the bar. We left and went to a hotel they were staying at about 10 minutes outside of downtown. On the way, we stopped for more drinks. Jerry got a six-pack. As we got back into the car, Jerry began to open a beer. I was pleased I only had to ask him kindly not to open it and he obliged.
Once at the hotel, we hung out with the couple and chatted about all kinds of things, but mostly about the guy's bum knee. They drank some (probably the only smart decision I made was to stop drinking at this point). They smoked some pot. The evening was approaching quickly, and I was getting hungry. Very hungry. I found our way out when the girl in the couple made Jerry cry by asking him about his dead grandmother. So, we left to grab some dinner downtown.
As I'm starting to drive us back downtown, Jerry proclaims that I am too intense for him and he'd like to go home. *sigh of relief* "Where shall I take you, Jerry?"
"I live in the East end." East end was through downtown. As I approached downtown, I hear something come Jerry's seat. I look over to see that Jerry has cracked open a beer in my car. *eyeroll* I was not nearly as nice about it this time, so he rolled down the window and chucked it out. Yep. The full beer. Out the window. On the busy road that leads into downtown.
My patience was growing thin. I cannot wait to get this guy out of my car. As soon as I frove us through downtown and into the East end, I asked him to tell me how to get to his house.
"I live in the North end," he says. Breathe. Just breathe, I tell myself.
I flip the car around as quickly as I can and start heading to the North side of downtown. Once again, as we get close, I tell him to give me directions.
"I live on the west side," he says.
"Nope. That's it. Where can I drop you off?" My patience is now gone.
"Oh, so that's where this is going?" he asks as if everything is going swell.
"Yep. Sure is."
Within seconds I was at a stop light. "Good bye, Jerry. This is your stop."
*****End of Date*****
P.S. A few weeks later, as I came to a quick stop, a full can of beer rolled out from under my passenger seat. Yes, it was Jerry's. I just laughed.
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